It has been a while since I last posted.
And here is why.
I'm losing hope.
I was trying to be up-beat, optimistic, positive.
I still am, but please understand I happen to see things a little different--having worked on both sides of the altar.
As a husband, father, son and even brother-in-law, I try to live the words I preach which basically means that I mess up and ask forgiveness ALOT.
Holy Mass is one of those special times either during the week or weekend when I lay it all on the altar.
But I have to tell you--it has become more difficult to even want to attend Holy Mass.
The main obstacle isn't traffic, or getting everyone on the same schedule and into the car and arriving on time.
Nor is the main obstacle parishioners who get upset if you're in their pew or are distracting you by their sometimes loud gossip.
No the main obstacle that has been robbing my soul of any spiritual connection has been--the priest.
Okay, okay, before you get all huffy and ultra conservative defensive on me.
Just these past two weeks I have heard preached--
1. That women are in the league with the devil (priest's words). The main concern of the homily was cleavage and satan. In short, all sin and immoral behavior was the woman's blame. Clearly this man has issues, but I am so very tired of hearing about them--porn, tv, computer, sin, sin sin. Come on man, throw away your tv and computer and get over it and get on with preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ!
2. Just today I witnessed a priest (different priest) tell a man who was using a cane help him up the aisle to receive Holy Communion that he was using the wrong hand to receive the Body of Christ.
Really? Christ is concerned what hand we receive him with?
This just after the priest encouraged people to live like Pope Francis and be a church that welcomes the estranged and marginalized (priest's words). So this guy gets up, gets ready, drives (with a bum leg) and then is treated like crap?
This must be the New Evangelization--can't wait for more.
I am so very tired and worn out by the insensitivity of some of the priests, those standing as our mediators, as our holy examples, as the Alter Christus.
Why have Sunday Eucharistic Celebrations become so laborious for a guy that just wants to hear the Gospel preached? That means no pulpit agendas, no self serving sermons, and no wacked out liturgies.
Where have the good priests gone? What has happened? Years ago guys who were sensitivity challenged and myopic were usually balanced by those who weren't--but so many have left that now, barring major scandal, there is no fraternal correction or even a brotherly challenge for a man to become a better, holier, priest.
Want to know why men don't become priests-?--just take some time, sit in the pew, and listen to a homily!
What is it going to take? Has the so called 'Pope Francis effect' really affected the clergy or is all of this just more empty (sometimes hurtful) words and meaningless gestures?
Our Lady keeps imploring us to pray for our shepherds...imagine if we didn't!
Saturday, November 9, 2013
After close to fourteen years out of it...I'm back in.
After trying to make a go at several other 'endeavors'...I went back to what I knew.
After working in the church off and on for forty some years...I stopped.
No hard feelings.
No excommunication (this time).
No internal angst.
Actually this time I was inspired to take this mini leap.
And I'm sure the Blessed Virgin had her hand in it.
At one point, in the midst of my discerning whether or not to take on this new position, I was observing a gathering of some people--who, suffice to say, were not connected to the church. It is what I would be doing if I took this new job. I sat quietly and pondered as the meeting occurred.
"Come on God--just a little sign that I should be doing this..."
At that moment, I looked up and hanging on the wall behind a person who was crying hung....
I thought, "A disciple of Jesus would be in this room,
a disciple of Jesus would try to make a difference."
And so that is what I am trying to become...a disciple.
My work is taking me into a world I left years back. It is a world filled with heartache, pain, suffering, neglect and abuse. It is a world that desperately needs healing.
I hope Christ will have me, a lost shepherd, as His disciple in this world.