Fatherhood--Priesthood

The following article of mine was picked up by Priest Magazine a couple years back and has now become an 'annual' post.

I sat in the pew and listened as the newly ordained priest introduced himself to the congregation; “Hello, I am Father…”  I remembered the many times I stood before a congregation and how blank their stare was.  But there was no getting around it.  The first weekend in a parish for a new priest was simply exhausting on a variety of levels.    

            Sitting next to me were my wife and son and the three of us glanced and smiled at one another.  As the priest  began his homily, I settled into thinking about the word he just used; Father.  Though I knew he was using it simply as a title, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was aware of its power—a power that can open his life to a much deeper existence.  Father is a word that transcends the vocational boundaries of priesthood and dadhood. So, for what it is worth, here are some thoughts from a man who was both.

Being a Dad means you are not the center.

Fatherhood isn’t about you—you are about it.  Priesthood isn’t about you—you are about it.

Fatherhood is about sacrifice

Dads keep a variety of vigils in life.  From the bedside of your sick child, to the middle of the night worries about losing your job, to watching your spouse suffer through chemotherapy—desperately hoping your child doesn’t fall into despair.  We simply keep vigils at all hours, day and night.  Keeping vigil has something to do with asking the question “Why?” and then moving the heart to trusting that God is present.  Keeping vigil is really about offering everything back to God.  Spend a night in prayer.  It will do your soul good.

There is no such thing as a day off.

There might be a day off from work or even vacations—but you are still a Dad.  In priesthood, a day off should not become an excuse to blend into the world.  One of the worst homilies I ever heard was preached at a first Mass of a newly ordained—the premise being that to be a good priest the new priest must venture forth and immerse himself in the world. He must read, watch and listen to what the people read, watch, and listen. Really?

Being a parent means trusting in Divine Providence.

It means putting earthly desires aside and consciously uncovering your soul’s desire for God.  When this happens—God provides everything you need.  Where is your desire?  What is your desire?  Being more concerned about the diocesan campaign and weekly collection than anything else is fertile ground for self destruction.

To be a good Dad, I need to pray and fast

Constant prayer and fasting must be modeled.  As a priest it is easy to get caught up in the responsibility of leading prayer—so much that one forgets to pray.  That is acting not praying.  Fasting, true physical fasting magnifies heartfelt prayer.  “Only by prayer and fasting…”-Jesus Christ

A Dad must not shy from teaching right from wrong.  

For now, I must be my son’s shield and filter from the media frenzied world.  You are the teacher—Nobody else has the responsibility of your child’s soul.

Priests, are you truly living a conscientious priesthood and teaching right from wrong?  Are you truly caring for their souls?  Or are you living a soft approach more conscious of popularity?  Being a priest means that you are loved for just that—not super homilies, not building a parish, not even keeping everyone ‘entertained’ on a Sunday morning.  Live the Sacrifice…there is no greater love.  Spend just as much time in the confessional as you do in meetings.

The easiest way to be a good Dad is to love your son’s Mother.

Not all Dad’s have the blessing of a loving wife and mother of their son.  But I know one thing, without her I’d be lost.  Her love makes me want to be a good Dad.

Priests, love the Mother of Jesus, she will help you.

Being a Dad means I will never have this opportunity again.

Every practice, every event, every game, every recital, every kiss good night, every prayer—live your Fatherhood with intention.

Pray this Mass as if it were your first, your only, and your last

And so, let us pray for our Fathers.

Just Plain Pathetic

I refer you to a news story posted by Rocco Palmo on Whispers in the Loggia.  You have to scroll down to the second story that has a photo of LA's Auxiliary Bishop, Gabino Zavala.  For those who just want a snippet here is what Mr. Palmo reports, via Catholic News Service:

Meanwhile, in a surprise move, B16 has accepted the early resignation of LA Auxiliary Bishop Gabino Zavala, who turned 60 last September.

While rumors of unspecified Roman concerns over Zavala have circulated for some time, and have intensified over recent months, Catholic News Service reported this morning via Twitter that the bishop submitted his resignation after he confessed to having fathered two children.

In a letter to the Los Angeles church released early this morning, Archbishop José Gomez wrote that the auxiliary "informed [him] in early December that he is the father of two minor teenage children, who live with their mother in another state."



Come on.
Now I must be careful because this is the same bishop who asked bloggers to be a little more kinder and refrain from hateful demeaning speech.  Okay, then....come on...please.
He shared this request while from his position as the Chair of Communications for the US Bishops. 
I think he forgot to communicate a few things---like maybe "Oh, by the way Holy Father,  I am a Dad--uh, twice!"


Okay, so hopefully there was love and some kind of relationship with the mother.  As two adults they will need to deal with that.
  
But my first thoughts were for the children.
What about commitment and responsibility and manning up to being a dad?  
I wonder if, in all his social issue preaching, he ever had to address single mothers, or children who had no fathers present in their lives?  
We hear that they are minor teenagers--so this means that at the very least for the past thirteen or fourteen years two children grew up with their dad in another state--pretending to not be their dad.


When I was a court appointed therapist the majority of my clients didn't know who their father was or their father simply didn't care.  You do the psychological and sociological math and extrapolate the results.  This time instead of the government or some social service agency stepping in to deal with it--the church will.  Perhaps the bishop ought to attend mandated parenting classes.


Now, before some wacko gets this blog and says--'see that's why priests should marry' I want them to think about this:  

The fact that these kids had an absent father wasn't because he was a bishop but because he didn't have the guts to make a commitment to being a dad.  The fact that he was a bishop simply gave him another life in which to hide--and that is what is pathetic.

So those are my thoughts--coming from a man who was a priest and fell in love and left and married and together with is wife is raising a son--trying to form him in the Roman Catholic faith.

A Father

The following article of mine was picked up by Priest Magazine last year.

I sat in the pew and listened as the newly ordained priest introduced himself to the congregation; “Hello, I am Father…”  I remembered the many times I stood before a congregation and how blank their stare was.  But there was no getting around it.  The first weekend in a parish for a new priest was simply exhausting on a variety of levels.    

            Sitting next to me were my wife and son and the three of us glanced and smiled at one another.  As the priest  began his homily, I settled into thinking about the word he just used; Father.  Though I knew he was using it simply as a title, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was aware of its power—a power that can open his life to a much deeper existence.  Father is a word that transcends the vocational boundaries of priesthood and dadhood.  So, for what it is worth, here are some thoughts from a man who was both.

Being a Dad means you are not the center.

Fatherhood isn’t about you—you are about it.  Priesthood isn’t about you—you are about it.

Fatherhood is about sacrifice

Dads keep a variety of vigils in life.  From the bedside of your sick child, to the middle of the night worries about losing your job, to watching your spouse suffer through chemotherapy—desperately hoping your child doesn’t fall into despair.  We simply keep vigils at all hours, day and night.  Keeping vigil has something to do with asking the question “Why?” and then moving the heart to trusting that God is present.  Keeping vigil is really about offering everything back to God.  Spend a night in prayer.  It will do your soul good.

There is no such thing as a day off.

There might be a day off from work or even vacations—but you are still a Dad.  In priesthood, a day off should not become an excuse to blend into the world.  One of the worst homilies I ever heard was preached at a first Mass of a newly ordained—the premise being that to be a good priest the new priest must venture forth and immerse himself in the world. He must read, watch and listen to what the people read, watch, and listen. Really?

Being a parent means trusting in Divine Providence.

It means putting earthly desires aside and consciously uncovering your soul’s desire for God.  When this happens—God provides everything you need.  Where is your desire?  What is your desire?  Being more concerned about the diocesan campaign and weekly collection than anything else is fertile ground for self destruction.

To be a good Dad, I need to pray and fast

Constant prayer and fasting must be modeled.  As a priest it is easy to get caught up in the responsibility of leading prayer—so much that one forgets to pray.  That is acting not praying.  Fasting, true physical fasting magnifies heartfelt prayer.  “Only by prayer and fasting…”-Jesus Christ

A Dad must not shy from teaching right from wrong.  

For now, I must be my son’s shield and filter from the media frenzied world.  You are the teacher—Nobody else has the responsibility of your child’s soul.

Priests, are you truly living a conscientious priesthood and teaching right from wrong?  Are you truly caring for their souls?  Or are you living a soft approach more conscious of popularity?  Being a priest means that you are loved for just that—not super homilies, not building a parish, not even keeping everyone ‘entertained’ on a Sunday morning.  Live the Sacrifice…there is no greater love.  Spend just as much time in the confessional as you do in meetings.

The easiest way to be a good Dad is to love your son’s Mother.

Not all Dad’s have the blessing of a loving wife and mother of their son.  But I know one thing, without her I’d be lost.  Her love makes me want to be a good Dad.

Priests, love the Mother of Jesus, she will help you.

Being a Dad means I will never have this opportunity again.

Every practice, every event, every game, every recital, every kiss good night, every prayer—live your Fatherhood with intention.

Pray this Mass as if it were your first, your only, and your last

And so, let us pray for our Fathers.

Bad Dad

This past Tursday my son said to me; "Dad isn't today a holy day?"
"No.  It's just June second."

So yesterday at Mass I felt awful.
While we were leaving he said; "It's not a sin for me, it's on you...Ha!"

Though I'm sure he lost any innocence by relishing my fault, he is right.
I failed.
And here is the kicker-- This time missing Mass really bothered me.
Years back I wouldn't have thought much about it (let alone write on the matter).
But he is right--it is my responsibility--for his soul.
And his soul wasn't first on my list.
This reminds me of the time my son kept asking for new shoes.   I said to my lovely wife; "Didn't we just get him shoes?"
Turns out he was wearing shoes two sizes too small.

If anything my fault may have encouraged my son to write on the Laws of the Church.

So I pray to St. Joseph